I'm lost.

     Many things hadhappened this year, in the year 2013, when I've finally turned 21. Good times and bad times, even times that nobody ever wants it to happen to them at all. It was said that shit happens to those who just turned 21, shit as in really huge as sucky shit issues.
    
    So much shit happened to me till the point i feel that my life is exactly shithole, a really deep shithole that no matter how hard i try i"ll just sink in deeper. People says look at the bright side of life, be positive, don't think too much, and other encouraging stuff. To be honest, I've tried and I'm just too weak to stand back up. I struggle every god damn time to stand back up on my own 2 feet.
   
   My friends have told me a million times to share my problem, tell people what's wrong and what's going on in my life, talk it out. I do talk when i can, but the only reason I choose not to talk, is because I'm scared. I'm scared of what people would think of me, I'm afraid to show my weakside, I'm afraid to be judge, and I'm afraid that people wouldn't understand. Colleagues thinks that whatever I'm going through is just a pea obstacle that life is giving me. Guess what? it's not just a pea obstacle to me. 

  I want to be strong, I wanna stand firm, I wanna keep my head up high, but everytime when I'm almost there I fall back down. So many times that I've been pushed till the point that I wanna give up. Give up everything. Times that I wished I could turned back time and just start all over. Create a new life after seeing the me now and the shithole life I'm having now.

  Why I find it easier to write out how i feel? it's because through words i could write better than talking. Whatever is inside my heart it's either i express them through tears, through quotes, or through writing. Now you understand why do I always share post of quotes on facebook? People says I'm attention seeking, I don't know whether I am or not but here's the explanation to why I always share quotes and write posts alot on facebook.

  First of all, I have trust issues. Not that I don't trust anyone at all but I'm afraid to trust too much. I'm afraid that when I trust someone to tell them my problems, they judge or they share it to others. When I choose to tell it to only you, means I do trust you. But everytime when I wanna tell someone about my problems, I take a step back again, keeping it to myself.

  Second, I'm so fucking lost. I don't know whats going on with my life. I know what I want and where I wanna go in life, but whatever is going on it just makes me think twice. Do I really know? Can I really make it? What if I fail? I question myself alot. So much shit and mistakes that I've done that I just wish I could erase it and just dump it to the "forget about it" bin. Whatever had happened, I take it as a lesson which I always end up feeling like a failure because I'm just a weak useless piece of shit.

  To be honest the things that I do or the things I've done, it was never easy cause no one really understands? even after I"ve explained the reason behind it? So yea it just end up that I"ll just shut up cause the only person who understands it me. It's tough you know? it's tough as hell!! Some things that I do is just to help me survive in life. Honestly, those some things are not what I really enjoy doing.

  There are so many things that I would wanna talk it out, but I feel better writing. Friends, I hope you understand why I don't talk. All I want it just someone just someone to understand what I am and how I am. It's not easy to go through shit on my own but sometimes I just had to.

  I just want someone to be for me. A shoulder to cry on, and someone to read my problems and not judge. I won't talk my problems out, I write it out.

FINALLY!

Ever since sem break started most of the days I'm stuck at home like an idiot during the afternoon

=/

THANK GOOOOD! the night before yesterday 1 of my old friend, Ronald, FB chat me asking for some emergency help to be in his advertising video.

SERIOUSLY Thank God!I'm like rotting at home already.

So yesterday he came over to pick me up around 11ish,I wanted to wake up at 9am

I even set my alarm at 9,I woke up

BUT

hehehe obviously fell asleep again xD

The next thing I know Ronald calling me to wake up.

I was like gahhhhh rush rush rush cause malu to let people wait for me =/

You know laaaa,girls do take a really long time to get ready.

hahaha

So I got ready around 11.30 then he came over to pick me up.

fuyohhhhh someone sudah kayaaaa.Iphone!

Went to pick up his college mate.Damn fair weyyyyy the girl.So jealous.=/

Wasted did'nt snap a picture with her,but I was too malu.LOL

We then went over somewhere near USM to have lunch.Superb environment with awesome food.

After filling our stomach,off we go to the

BEACH!!

Traffic jam!ish

Nevermind,there's always things to do during this time =D

Camwhore!!

Eventhough it was SUPER hot,we reached Paradise beach around 1ish 2 but I just love the beach.

So I was still happy =D

Everything was fine till this happen!

I don't get it why must the rain come when I'm having fun D=

I just felt like singing "rain raing go away,carmen wanna stay and play"

hahaha but of course I didn't,Ronald and his friends would think I'm crazy and childish =/

In the end we still managed to finish part the filming just right before the rain started to be slightly heavier.

Spotted!=D Awwww they looked really sweet,the bride seriously looked damn young,and somehow I think she's younger than me.Then the groom.......

You understood already lah XD

After the packing is done,we head off to chill at coffee bean since they say it's still early.We finished around 3ish.

So we headed to Belissa Row's Coffee Bean.

Camwhore a lil' =P

They were editing the video we took earlier at the beach.

Stupid Ronald keep replaying the part which I looked stupid in it =/

ishhhhh

I fell in love with this white Iphone baby(Ronald's), but I just couldn't afford it =/

I'd still prefer a BB than Iphone =D

I'm a loyal BB fannnn.

hahaha.

Check out these h.o.t. babes ❤

This 2 hotties are owned by Ronald's friend.ahhhhhh Lumix =O

After chilling We started to feel sleepy,so Ronald dropped me home around 4ish.

It was a fun day,since we haven't talk or meet each other for quite some time,it was nice to do some catch up =)

Even though it was just a few hours outing,but it still made my day cause I manage to do some catch up and meet some new friends.

But I don't think I'll be meeting them anymore though.=/

But it was fun hanging out with them!=D

That's it for this time!=D

M.i.s.s.C's ways to stay smiley and happy =)

As what the title says,

I have my own ways of staying happy and smiley most of the times=)

yeaa laaa I used to be super emo,but now no more =D

I hope.

nyehehehehe!!

So these are the 7 ways.

1st. Mua babes.

yup.my babes truly.They are the major factor that is keeping my strong and positive throughout all those hard times.

Breakups

arguments

stress from college and assignments.

It's all thanks to them that I'm still standing strong and still growing strong =)

Love them soooooooooo much ❤

And of course,the biggest help would of course from The Above.Without Him,I'm totally nothing.=)

2. food, food and foooooooooooood.

yupp,you heard that right.=D eating do helps me to stay happy and forget about all those unhappy stuff.

chocolate

desserts

gummies and candies

mmm mmmmmm~ heavennnn =D

3. Camwhoreeeeeeee.

A picture a day,keeps the doctors away =D

taking loads and loads LOADS of picture do somehow "snaps" all the unwanted emotions away.

see how true expression faces shows through pictures?

I'm obviously very happy when I camwhore.=)

It really does help to keep your mind off stuff.

4. S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G

This is a way every girl knows to cheer themselves up.=)

most girlfriends would advice their babes who had heartbreaks or "emo session" to shop till they drop,but it's actually not a good thing to do.

hahaha.

Cause when you drop,you're totally cashless already,and that would suck =/

5. hangouts.

No matter where the hang out spots are

college

MCdonalds

same old gurney

redbox

Oldtown(1st avenue)

the beach

ANYWHERE

As long it's with T.H.E.M,everywhere is the best hangout spots =D

And whenever I hang out with them,all I remember is to laugh non stop and all the bad moments would just be wiped off just like that.

6. Blog-it-away.

And of course I let all the unhappy thoughts and feelings into mua blog and

ta daaa!!happy again =D

yeaaa whenever I write blogs,I blog away all the negative emotions.That's why I always feel better after blogging =D

By blogging-it-away also consider as keeping myself busy.

Doing things that I like such as

texting

chating

tumblr-ing,

Going through all those interesting picture in Heartit and thrilld also do help me to stop thinking about the bad memories =)

7. putting those earphones in my ears and pressing the "play" button.

1.Jars of Heart-Christina Perri

2.Like we used to-Rocket to The Moon

3.If I die young_The Band Perry

4.Try-Asher book

5.Everything I'm not-The veronicas

6.Talking to the moon-Bruno Mars

7.Who is-Bruno Mars

8.All of me-Varsity

9.Back to December-Taylor Swift

10.Perfect-Pink

listening to songs do helps me alot whenever I'm alone in my room to keep my head off those unhappy stuff=)

BUT,somehowwww.

I'm abit different xP

I love listening to those emo emo songs when I'm unhappy,then after that Ill feel much better.

weird eh?I know.XD many people told me that before,but that's just me =D

That's the M.i.s.s.C's style to stay happy =D

Soooo these are my 7ways to stay smiley and happy.

If there's any better ways do leave a comment,so that I can try it out and have more better and easier ways to stay happy =D

Peace out peeps!❤