heart-aches

my heart feels as if its started to bleed again...
the pain,I've been through times and times has came back to haunt me...
the hurt...
IT SUCKS!!!!!
even though being through it so many times I should have got over and got used to the pain,but I'm just human...
feelings are always a big influence in a humans life...
the pain of hearing the person you loved says that he hasn't let go of the person of his past hurts as a sharp knife slashing my heart repeatedly...
why must I fall for you?why am I being like that?can't I be stronger?
all I want is to protect my fragile heart,that's all...
I just don't understand why is it so hard for me to do so...
CARMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
please wake up could you????????????????
He doesn't love you at all...why should you be like this....?????
You're nothing compared to his previous 1...
not even a tiny bit....!!!!!
so why are you putting high hope on this???
just forget it and let time do the thing....if his for you then he's yours,if not then just forget about it and let him be happy could you....???
JUST GROW UP...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to HIM:
I know that it's hard for you to let go of your ex,it has been a 5years relationship,I know is very hard and suffering for you...and in my heart I just know that you're waiting for that 1day to be back with her...
but I wanna tell you everything in my heart,my feelings to you through here...
I told you that it's a normal thing to get heart-aches,but to me....
heart-aches are my phobia....I'm feeling so so so hurt when I think back about what you've said....I don't know what should I do...
I really hope that there's someone who can be my shoulder and let me cry at this very moment...I really don't understand why must I go through every hard relationships...I was hoping that I can find the perfect guy that I wanted and save me from all these hurt and helping me to erase every sad things of my past...
but ended up....you're the same...bringing hurt too...
but I know it's not what you wanted....
all i want to say is...
I LOVE YOU...
and I respect any decision you make...
either is leaving me and being back with your ex or continue being with me...
I'll respect it...cause I know as long as you're happy,no matter how long will I be feeling hurt,I also will be happy for you...
happy seeing you found your happiness....

1 more last try...

I've decided to give it one more time
1 more try...
give each other a chance...even we didn't end up perfectly,it also could be a lesson for me...
a lesson or a chance for me to grow up...to grow strong...
thanks for being with me...
I appreciate every moment with you...
<3

what a day today is...the big bosses came...phew...early in the morning we've been busy till around afternoon...quite a number of new stocks came in...and lots and lots of print tees...hahaha...we just love the 1 which labelled "where is mutu?"
hahaha...it's a design which have many many many indians in it and they are asking which 1 is mutu...hahaha...and Chea Xi is super funny...she just "beh tiao thit" with that tee...keep saying"lets find mutu lets find mutu"..haha...today was a busy day but with this bunch of crazy friends as also in colleagues,we'll never be tired anymore...haha...I was in a good mood until THAT PERSON appeared...!!
ish...I just don't get some people...why must they be so stuck up??huh?because they have the looks?the have the money?of because they just think that they are super perfect?THIS PERSON came in and I was happy to see THAT PERSON,but THAT PERSON just doesn't give a damn and just gave a very "you're-annoying-wave" to me...i was like,what the fuck is your problem...i was so pissed that I didn't wanna serve them...damned!!people these days are so fucking full with bad attitude...I just remember whenever THAT person needs me,THAT PERSON will use their "super powers" to ask us to help them...
since you're so fucking proud of yourself,fine..!!go ahead and stuck up your boobs and your ass...do whatever you want...I don't wanna give a damn of you anymore...we used to be friends but is that the way you treat a friend??
THAT PERSON is so obvious that when they have new friends they just kick out their old friends...okay,if that's what you wanna do,go ahead...I'll do the same...why should I be sad over a friend like you anymore...
you go your way I'll go mine then...!!!

I don't wanna get hurt but I want to grow up...

I'm feeling the hurt again...why must I be like that?why can't I just stop feeling the hurt?I WANT TO STOP IT NOW!!!!!!!!!
I want to grow stronger and more mature and not letting myself being crushed by guys...I know it will take time,no matter how long it takes,how much pain I must go through...I don't want to disappoint my friends...especially those friends who cares about me...I wanna show them that 1 day I can grow strong and tough...and mature enough to settle things happening around me no matter small problem or big problem...
So what being hurt?so what if nobody wants me?
SO WHAT??!!I am a rock star,I got my rock moves...I don't need You tonight...!!!
was writing this blog while listening to Pink's So what...haha...it really changes your mood whenever you're listening to songs...
no matter what's happening around the world,how chaotic it is,I just know I'll always have my friends with me...
I love you guys...
thanks for being there when I need you...but there are thing only me can settle it...I know there are many friends who are worried and caring towards me,but there are somethings that I won't learn if i didn't have hit myself on the head...there are things as friend told me that we have to have alot of experience then that will make us grow...
to all my friends...
Don't have to worry about me...I just know
there sure gonna be 1day I'm gonna learn
my lesson and change my self into a better person...
guys...
Just wait for me...give me some time and I'll show you guys how much I have changed...
just wait for me...
=]

February 2ND 2010:
I'm gonna be brave and go through everything as tough as I can,to prove myself that I can make a change in myself...

to Him:
thanks for being part of my life
I'm going to be a perfect person...
soon...in time to come...
<3

Should I or should I not

I over slept today,woke up at 9,thanks to my mum...she some more can tell me she woke up at 8.45 but didn't even woke me up..!!while on the way to work,I asked Him a question that I've known the answer but I still want to ask...It does hurt a lil' when you've found out that there is still someone else in his heart...
but what else can I do...
even how hurt it was the day still have to go on...thanks to thaipusam or don't know whats the reason which caused the jam at Union high school,I was late for 8MINUTES!!!!!!!!!so geram....and there are just always brainless "potatoes" on the road which think as if the road belongs to them...argh...!!so frustrated with this kind of rivers...I should be the prime minster and make up some rule such as if some drivers drive as if taking their own sweet time they should be sued or something...then maybe there will be less accident...HAHA...
today was seriously tired,we had to count stock AGAIN....!!but thank God for Kimberly...haha...we both including a new comer,Claire count most of the stock at the kiosk..I and Kimberly was so happy...haha...Don't know what day is it today,there was like so many cute guys at gurney today leh...and after changing the display at the kiosk,business grown...!!!!and as in GROWN ALOT...haha...though it was tiring but I'm so happy...We went "round penang Island" searching for a place to hang out...but finally we both ended up eating curry mee in butterworth...hahaha...it was super fun trip...forst time ever going to butterworth,during midnight,searching for FOOOOooooOD...hahaha...

I'm still in the mids of wondering whether I'm being used or something,but I just feel that......
Hopefully I'm not...and hope it's the right choice for me...

Jan 24Th 2010
The day everything began to change
<3